Pecha Kucha Presentation

Here is my presentation from the 23rd!  I did not know they posted the videos but I think it’s pretty cool.

 

Notes on 40 day Sadhana (day 14)

so, I got up at 6am today to do my sadhana practice.  Huge improvement.  Yesterday, day 13, I did it pretty darn late in the day and I felt horrible, until after I did it.  I was also spontaneously moved yesterday to add in 3 rounds of Sodarshan Chakra Kriya (which I did for quite a while but then during a super nasty cold switched to the Women’s Moon Center meditation).  I did 3 rounds again today, and I think I am going to very slowly bring it back into my practice.

In previous posts I have written about my teeth – specifically, getting 3 of my teeth pulled, including my 2 incisors.  My insurance would not cover implants, just a partial denture, which is kind of like wearing a retainer with fake teeth on it.  I did not like the denture.  It made me feel kind of stick to my stomach at first, and really detracted from chanting.  I also felt like I should wear it so other people wouldn’t have to be subjected to the sight of a woman with missing teeth.  Like it was my duty as a woman to wear this big uncomfortable hunk of plastic in my mouth.  Well forget that.  After talking to my Kundalini mentor, she told me she had just read an article talking about dentures and how they effect meridians in the mouth and interfere with the experience of chanting.  Body’s wisdom=vindicated.  So, I made the decision not to wear my denture.  First of all, the missing teeth are not super noticeable and I am attractive enough that I don’t feel a few missing teeth detracts from my appearance.  I may wear the denture for wedding photos (although not during the ceremony, especially not when I speak my vows) and possibly a yoga (marketing) photo shoot I have on Wednesday.  I’m not 100% on wearing it even for those events yet.  I am going to save up and get some gold teeth at some point.  But not today.

Other than that, I have not been able to do Breath of Fire during the first 3 days of my menses (will have to double check if it’s just the first 3 days).  I thought I would be super crabby about it, but it has actually given me the opportunity to fine tune my alignment in different poses, which has been lovely.

Notes on 40 Day Sadhana (days 11 and 12)

(please see previous post for more info on my 40 day Sadhana)

Yesterday was day 11 of my 40  day sadhana (focusing on the Abdominal Strengthening kriya and the Woon’s Moon Centers meditation, with the Spinal Energy kriya used as a warm-up most, but not all days).

Day 11 was my most brutal day thus far.  I spent my evening paging through a couple different Kundalini books looking for the specific effects of 11, 40, 90, 120, etc day kriyas, but did not find the exact quote I remembered reading.  My Kundalini mentor told me that “things will come up” during a 40 day sadhana.  I have learned by now to just TRUST THE YOGA, TRUST THE KRIYA, TRUST MY PRACTICE and keep going.

Today (day 12) I started my first menses in close to 2 years.  I got pregnant with my son in summer of 2013, and we have been breastfeeding since he was born (he turned 15 months old on June 6th).  He’s gradually been weening himself, nursing less and less, but still, I was shocked to see blood when I went to the bathroom this morning.

I actually have not done my sadhana yet today, and will be logging off to get on my sheepskin in a few minutes here.  I’ve been having a hard time getting up early, and that is my next little project for myself.  To get back in the habit of waking up before 7am.  Hopefully even early, so I can take advantage of at least a bit of the “nectar hours” for my sadhana.

Overall I feel a little off-base, and I think that waking up early to practice first thing (like I used to do) works better for me than getting up around 8, and doing my sadhana around 9, 10, or even later.

I’ve been craving cigarettes, but it’s that kind of fake craving that’s never really satisfied by what you think it wants.  There’s this sense of something I cannot put my finger on, like maybe I need to drink more water, eat more fruit.  I’m really not sure.

Summer has come full force and I love it.  I feel like a lizard on a rock out in the sun, soaking, soaking up the warmth.  Letting it heat every inch of me.  But there’s still something off.  Some skip or wobble that I haven’t quite nailed down in my own mind.  The answer is right here.  I just need to see it.

Notes on 40 Day Sadhana (Day 9)

As of today I am 9 days into a 40 day sadhana.  This is the first time I have made a 40 day commitment to practice a specific kriya.  Even though I practice Kundalini everyday and Hatha most days, the idea of doing the exact same kriya everyday for 40 whole days seemed a little dull.

I selected the “Abdominal Strengthening” kriya from Kundalini Yoga: Sadhana Guidelines 2nd Edition (also appears in Divine Alignment as “Kriya to Build Navel Intelligence”).  I warm up with the Spinal Energy series kriya, and follow savasana with the women’s meditation to balance the moon centers (a variation on the Kirtan Kriya meditation).

I struggled with starting and sustaining a daily meditation practice for years until I began practicing Kundalini.  The Kundalini meditations work for me in a way that sitting did not.

One thing I have noticed is that I have had to decrease the amount of time for each exercise in the Abdominal Strengthing kriya from 2 minutes to 1.  This came as a bit of a surprise to me, since I had been practicing it every other day (alternating with different kriyas) for a while now, with the full time of 2 minutes per exercise.  I almost felt like once I made the commitment to practice it everyday for 40 days, it became harder.  But, I figured, well, it’s a 40 day commitment.  I can dial it down a notch and then slowly build it back up.

It took me a while to get to the point where I was willing to make that 40 day commitment.  After talking with my mentor, I knew I had to.  I felt it was time to take it to that next level, instead of getting lost searching for that “perfect” kriya.  As she so beautifully put it, every single kriya will bring you to completeness, you just have to give it the chance.

UNTITLED: SHUNIYA (from “plugged up” prompt w/ Julia)

 

i am being trained
to be a container.
learning to hold space
sacred inside.

but hardening in my guts
a thousand rotten apples
slimy noodles
this lentil variety, that,
have been masticated down to sludge
and now sit.
.
i am being trained
to hold the space
but in my space
something thick
is trapped.

at night i lay my hand
flat on my belly
and feel the huge vein
that pulses
right through my center.

i am full
with it.

in nightmares
i am pregnant
for the third time,
and in this
already crowded body
i watch some unknown head and rump
turn slow figure eights
inside me. always in those dreams
i wonder –
how could i not have noticed
someone else was growing there
for such a long time.

 
mornings i climb sleepy –
pee, neti, dry brush naked skin,
clean my mouth.
copper scraper draws
white stick slime
from root of tongue to tip.

i worry i will never be
quite clean enough.

in those mornings
safe on sheep skin
i throw out that golden chain

ong namo guru dev namo
ong namo guru dev namo
ong namo guru dev namo

let the navel breathe for you
let the navel
breathe
the breath.

i want to feel that emptiness.
feel the winter sun
burn me back to zero. navel point
like a solar flare
immolate
the static hold inside me.

everything comes
from there. from
that golden hub – my
winter wheel
gilded. please now, please.
please now unstick
all that has been stuck.
please now, wheel,
i see you like the dial on a bank vault – magic
combination click
and now you
open, now you
spin for me. and i will breathe
my way to zero.

 

“Shuniya: A state of mind and consciousness where the ego is brought to zero or complete stillness. There a power exists. It is the fundamental power of a Kundalini Yoga teacher. When you become shuniya then the One will carry you. You do not grasp or act. With folded hands you ‘are not.” It is then that Nature acts for you.”

“ong namo guru dev namo: I bow to the infinite, I bow to the teacher within”

(both definitions from the glossary of I Am A Woman: Creative, Sacred, & Invincible, Essential Kriyas for Women in the Aquarian Age)

Misc 2/4/15

My bio is up on the NorthWoods Yoga Collective blog I set up for us: https://northwoodsyogacollective.wordpress.com/teacher-bio-gabby/ so that’s done.  For the moment.

Our home was once again struck by a semi-nasty stomach virus, though nothing compared to the slaughter in December.

My family and I head to Duluth this Friday.  I have to do some make-up hours to finally, finally cap off my RYT-200 (since I gave birth a day before the retreat weekend last year and obviously did not attend).  Next Friday my Kundalini apprenticeship begins.

I intended to write a little more for this post but I think it’s time to hop on the mat and get some of the good stuff in to start my day.

Misc Thoughts on #en3177

I noticed that one of my more “on-top-of-it” classmates had posted an assignment on her blog that had been given in the Tuesday class I missed.

At first I was like “Oh god, how tedious.  ANOTHER assignment where I don’t get to just write exactly what I feel like?!  Bogus.”  But actually it’s good, because one of my struggles as a writer is “that kind” of writing.

By “that kind” I mean non-fiction writing to relay information.  College assignment type writing.  I’m more of a poetry and intimate personal prose writer.  Although improving my informational writing skills AND my fiction writing skills are both goals of mine.  Fiction I, I’m coming for you.  Not anytime soon, but eventually.

I did my Kundalini “Warrior Workout” dvd (Ravi Singh and Ana Brett)this morning.  I know it’s not very “traditional” (I notice Yogi Bhajan and the Kundalini Research Institute are not mentioned in the liner notes), but I enjoy it.  After a Kundalini session, I swear I can feel my pranic body.  It feels the way stars look in the sky on a clear night.  I’m very excited to begin my apprenticeship.  I’ve been advised by my teacher (or is it a mentor for an apprenticeship?) to wear the traditional tantric white (increases auric field) and purchase a turban so I may wrap my hair.  The turban effects meridians in the head, and also helps consolidate the huge amount of life force and energy contained in the hair.

Anyways, back to the blogs.

I have been thinking about my best friend’s blog.  It is the best blog I have ever read, and it is password protected, because her son’s biological father is deranged and stalks her in a variety of ways, so her writing must be hidden and secret, which enrages me.  I will go into more detail about this in a later post, but I believe years from now, when my friend can finally share her work without fear of violent reprisal, she will be noted as one of the most important feminist poets of our age.

I know that, even though I have a harassment restraining order against CF (my daughter’s biological dad) there are still some things I feel uncomfortable publishing here, simply because I’m pretty sure he internet stalks me periodically and I do not want to deal with a bunch of my writing getting dragged into court.  Not that he’s any threat in court.  He always loses his cases, is denied his petitions, but still.  Court is a pain in the butt.  It makes me feel gagged.  Not to the extent my friend is, but enough that it bothers me.

I know I could password protect my blog or individual posts, and maybe that’s something I’ll play with in the future, but not today.